I've been a budding thespian since I first walked on stage as Third Shepherd in the St Joseph's primary Across body bags school nativity, 1987.How little did I know that an A-Level in theatre studies (received much, much later - my performance wasn't that good) would stand me Plein Sud black Jersey dress in good stead for what I went on to do.It's no surprise that female actors and sex work were closely linked, especially when I think of all the characters I've been asked to play - along with needing appropriate props and costume.But I'm not sure anyone saw these coming…Cabin crewChocks away, Ginger 'Would you like some nuts, sir?' I ask, bending over in a PVC uniform which has made me look like I'm a member of Scooch, the short-lived, but much-missed, UK entry to the 2007 Eurovision song contest.
I squeak when I move, the skirt won't stay down, and the shirt has the amazing ability to be too tight to button up while having arms the length of the M25.The client bought it for me.Had I known this was the attire wanted for the night, I'd have found something which didn't make me look like a character from Little Britain.DieticianA clipboard… VERY important… It couldn't have been just a normal nurse or doctor, could it?No… Not with me.Here's a challenge - you try making nutrition sound sexy.Only this was a bit out of the ordinary because I had to tell a perfectly average-size chap that he needed to get fatter, which is fortunately something I'm very good at - after a lifetime of being told what I can't eat, I know all about being a feeder.There was a lot of measuring of arms, consumption of cakes, and writing notes Denham indigo A-line skirt on a clipboard (which - it turned out - was very much a highlight).And I got to keep the leftovers.
PhotographerSmile for the camera, big boy I was to be Andy Warhol, and he my muse.'Yeah, baby - you're a tiger,' I cried, snapping shots on his phone as he posed and pouted in a leopard-print thong.He wanted a scene that was every bit the quintessential montage of a modelling shoot - right down to the Austin Powers quotes.He wriggled and jiggled and rolled and thrusted - to be fair to him he would have made quite the pro.If he wasn't 60, balding, and with more spare tyres than the Michelin man.Still, what a way to make a fantasy come true.PimpIt's probably best if you just do what I say 'I'm going to dress you up like a flithy slut, make you walk the streets, and whore out your arse to the biggest dick I can find,' is a phrase I've said so many times, it really is getting quite dull.But there we go - turns out that what a lot of men who see a sex worker want to be is a sex worker themselves.